Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
