Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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