Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
