apparently the secret to your success is patron
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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