false alarm. still invincible.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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