hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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