I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
