just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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