i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
