What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
