yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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