put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize