I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
