Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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