We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
