I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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