Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize