Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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