is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
