I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
