Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize