i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
