Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
