$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
