What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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