I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
