All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize