she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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