your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
