If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
