how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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