Im at strip club and am horny
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're like the curious george of whores
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
