My liver just broke up with me...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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