dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
