a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize