I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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