You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
