just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
