oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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