So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
