I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
