cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The adults are the big ones right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
