There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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