I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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