i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
