Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Boobs are out for the taking
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
