just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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