oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
