we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
