Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
