Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
