Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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