Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
