I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sponge bath it is.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
