we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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