I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The struggles of a small town man whore
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
