I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
