it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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