I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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