pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
