i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
