Pappa wants mamma naked
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
