i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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