Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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