u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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