Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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