the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
