Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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