i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
