hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You can't special order awesome
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
